Hold it True
by illegal moonshine
Summary: When Charlie takes a more active role in helping Bella after Edward leaves, it ends in disaster. With the whole world thinking her dead, Bella must find a way to escape her vampire savior, Marcus, who's hiding from something called the "Volturi". BxE Bx?
1. Awakening

* * *

A/N: Well, I'm trying to be different. The aftermath of Edward leaving Bella in New Moon is a popular beginning to many fan fiction stories, and this one is no different. It's my favorite kind of Twilight fanfic, after all. So here's my contribution, hopefully avoiding a few of the clichés and with a dash of originality.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that belongs to the wonderful and talented Stephanie Meyer, which includes everything canon. Anything that is original is of course mine.

* * *

_I hold it true, whate'er befall;  
I feel it, when I sorrow most;  
'Tis better to have loved and lost  
Than never to have loved at all._

- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

* * *

It felt as if I had been shaken awake after being asleep for a very long time. Why was I suddenly so aware? It must have been what Charlie had just said to me. Something that wasn't normal or routine was bound to grab a bit of my attention, right?

This must have been what Charlie thought too. He seemed pleased with himself at the look on my face. It took me a moment to catch up with the present, and I realized I must have looked as out of sorts as I felt because even though Charlie seemed pleased, he looked worried too.

"Wh - what?" I croaked. I almost blushed at how raspy my voice sounded, almost as if I hadn't used it in awhile. I probably hadn't.

"Do you remember that Alaskan trip your school's taking after you start Christmas break?" repeated Charlie, waving a fork in my direction.

I pushed around a meatball, not quite understanding. Such an odd question. I cast my memory back, looking for a clue as to what my father was talking about. No, I didn't remember. It was probably best to pretend I did, for Charlie's sake. I didn't want him to worry.

"Yeah, I remember," I said to my dinner, not meeting his eyes. I didn't want him to see the lie.

"Well, I think it'd be a good idea if you went. You need to get out of the house for a change. Be with your friends," he asserted, emphasizing his point by stabbing a meatball.

I was frozen. His words tried to penetrate the fog that had engulfed my mind so long ago. Me? Go to Alaska? With my school? I shook my head slowly as the idea finally planted itself in my mind.

"But, I don't want to go to Alaska," I said, enunciating each word slowly. I finally met Charlie's eyes. There was an air of determination in them, and I didn't know why. This made me worry.

"Damn it Bella! I'm tired of you walking around here like some kind of -" he paused, looking for the right word. "- some kind of zombie!"

I was shocked. Charlie never cursed. I tried to speak.

"No! No. I won't have it Isabella! You've been moping around here for months! I'm tired of seeing you looking so lost! When was the last time you went and did something with you friends?" he hedged.

Truthfully, I had no idea, but I improvised. "I see Jess and Angela at school, and Mike's always working when I'm on shift."

Charlie shook his head. "I'm not talking about school or work, Bella. You haven't done anything with your friends outside of school. It's either Alaska with your friends or Jacksonville with your mother!"

My head snapped up at the last part.

"No! You can't send me to live with Renee! This is my home!" I cried in desperation. Charlie was not going to make me leave! He had tried to do this already! Didn't he realize I don't want to leave? If I left, then I would surely lose all my memories of -

"I'm sorry Bella, but I have to do something! And this is what I've come up with! You're my daughter, and it's tearing me up to see you like this! I think this trip is something that will help you . . ." he trailed off, his eyes pleading for me to consent.

I was quietly shocked at his vehemence and concern. I thought I had fooled Charlie. I was so sure that me acting normal would make him think that I was normal, that I was okay. It dawned on me that I haven't been fooling him. He had seen right through me.

I wasn't sure how I felt about this. A wave of desolation overtook me. Had it all been in vain? I had failed. He didn't think I was normal. He must have been really worried about me, otherwise he wouldn't be pushing this trip on me. I felt guilty. I didn't want to put Charlie through this.

"Fine. I'll go on the school trip," I said, defeated. If it would make Charlie happy, if he wouldn't worry so much - I looked up to gage his reaction. He seemed to slump into himself in relief.

"Good," he nodded, turning his attention back to his spaghetti. He didn't at all seem to mind that I hadn't pushed the issue. He was relieved that I had caved in so easily.

A trip to Alaska? What had Charlie gotten me into?

What had I just agreed to?

I scrunched my brow. "But how much is it? Surely a trip like that -"

Charlie interrupted. "- is already paid for, Bella. All you have to do is go and have a good time."

"But where did you get the money for something like this?" I asked. I would feel horrible if he had dipped into his retirement fund.

He waved off my concern. "It was a joint effort between me, your mother, and Phil."

"Oh," I mumbled. It looked like Renee hadn't been fooled either if she and Phil were putting up money to send me on an Alaskan tour. I winced, feeling another twinge of guilt.

Charlie retired to the living room. There was a game due on within the hour, but this was one that Billy Black was going to miss, as he hadn't shown up yet.. Must not have been an important game then.

I turned my attention to the dishes. After doing the same routine for quite a while now, I shouldn't have been surprised to see how quickly everything had been cleaned, dried, and put into place. However, what did surprise me was how I had done it without realizing I was doing it in the first place. It had been mechanical, like I was a robot or something.

Charlie's earlier words popped into my head.

Or a zombie.

I glanced at the calendar. December 12? I blinked and looked at the date again. For some reason I thought it might have been November. Maybe Charlie was right. Maybe I was a zombie.

Guess all those tests over the past week had been exams.

It was a Friday. I at least knew that. Tomorrow I'd go into work, like usual. Monday was marked as the last day of school - a half day. Wednesday the 17th was circled, and in Charlie's messy hand writing, no better than my own, was a note.

"Bella's trip?" I asked aloud in confusion. I was leaving in five days? That soon? I wondered how long Charlie had had that written. I felt a little lost. How had I not noticed it before? How had I not noticed anything?

I sighed, my arms automatically wrapping themselves around my middle. Alaska would be very cold. I didn't think my old jacket would cut it. Maybe I could find something cheap at the store. Was there an employee discount? I had never wanted to buy anything before, so I wasn't sure. Maybe Mrs. Newton would take it out of my next pay check?

I climbed the stairs to my room. I didn't want to go to Alaska. Alaska meant snow, and snow was cold and wet - two things I didn't much care for. Besides, with my luck and natural gracelessness I'd slip and crack my head on ice. Or maybe . . . I stopped, halfway across my room when the thought struck me. Surely there wouldn't be any skiing, right? I'd probably cause an avalanche and get buried alive.

I shook my head to clear away the morbid thoughts.

I was much more aware of what was going on around me now that the shock of an impending Alaskan trip had come to my attention. A distant memory tried to push its way into my mind.

Alaska.

That was were the other group of vamp - I viciously shoved the memory away. I felt the twinges of pain around my hole, the bothersome void situated somewhere in my middle. I squeezed tighter, trying to keep myself together, in the most literal sense.

I was not going to let my mind go anywhere near Alaska, even if I happened to be going there physically.

I needed a distraction. I winced at the thought. Distraction. I viciously shook my head. I would not let myself go there! Not tonight!

I sighed.

Seeing as how my exams were obviously over, I had nothing to study for and no homework to occupy my time. I couldn't remember what I would do after dinner, if not school related. This wasn't a reassuring thought. What had I been doing for these past few months? Trying to be normal for Charlie, I answered myself almost immediately.

That obviously hadn't worked out very well.

* * *

Saturday brought work at the store, as usual. I manned the counter, waiting for Mike to show up. I would question him about this Alaska trip. I hoped he was going.

Mike showed up ten minutes later. He tied his apron on and grabbed a mop. Mrs. Newton always had him mop the floors on Saturday mornings before it got busy.

"Hey Mike," I said, trying to be casual. I didn't expect his response.

"Gah!" he exclaimed, dropping the mop and sloshing water onto the floor. He turned to me, mouth slightly open, and eyes wide.

I was taken aback. Was it something I said? I know I'd been acting like a walking zombie for a while, as Charlie had so kindly pointed out, but surely I had talked to him? Right? From his reaction, I must not have been very social after all.

Mike composed himself quickly and gave me a hesitant smile. "Hey Bella! How are you feeling today?"

Confused. Anxious. Tired.

"I'm fine," I responded, trying my hand at returning the smile. The muscles around my mouth protested. It seemed as if I hadn't been exercising them lately.

But to Mike, it didn't matter if my smile was awkward, he smiled back brilliantly before mopping up his spilled mess and continuing on with the rest of the store.

I was thankful he didn't bring up my time as a zombie. We made small talk throughout the day. He seemed genuinely happy to have me back among the living. Our conversation soon turned to the school trip.

"Oh yeah, I'm definitely going. How could I miss the senior trip?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"I'm going too," I offered hesitantly. I didn't really know what else to say.

"Really? Oh man, that's great! We're leaving Wednesday. Are you excited? " he asked. He was much more animated than before. He almost knocked down a display of fishing lures.

His obvious excitement threw me off for a moment, and I struggled to answer his question.

"Yeah, I think it'll be fun. What part are you looking forward to?" I asked, fishing for information on the trip. After all, I told Charlie I knew about it. I couldn't very well ask my father what the trip entailed, could I? That would imply I really hadn't known about it.

"I can't wait for the helicopter tour of Mt. McKinley! I've never been up in a helicopter before," he said.

"Helicopter tour?" I repeated faintly. What had Charlie and Renee gotten me into?

"Yeah, and the hiking. I think it'll be awesome to hike around Harding's Ice Field and see Exit Glacier! Or, well I'm not sure, but I think we might take a boat to see the glacier," he continued, oblivious to my growing horror.

"Hiking? On an ice field?" I felt nauseous. It sounded like my own personal hell. I was surely going to kill myself on this trip. Nobody with the natural grace of a bull in a china shop should get anywhere near an ice field.

"Yeah, I can't wait. Are you packed yet?" he asked.

"Erm, no. I don't even know what to pack. I don't think my old beat up jacket's going to cut it," I laughed. I hoped Mike didn't hear the edge of hysteria.

Mike took the hint, rolling his eyes at me. "Seriously Bella! My parents own an outdoors store, and you work there! You know we have all kinds of jackets for cold weather!"

And with that, we browsed through the jackets on display. They all seemed pretty expensive. I definitely wouldn't be able to afford any of this, even with an employee discount.

"Aren't you two supposed to be working?" came the amused voice of Mrs. Newton.

Mike rolled his eyes. "There's no customers in here, Mom. And besides, Bella's going on the senior trip too. We're looking at gear she'll need in Alaska."

Mrs. Newton looked confused. "But Mr. Swan already bought everything she'll need."

My eyebrows shot up. "Ch - Dad already bought it all?" I asked, catching myself.

"Oh dear. I hope it wasn't meant to be a surprise," exclaimed Mrs. Newton.

I shook my head. "That's okay Mrs. Newton. I'll act surprised."

She gave me a smile, and then sent us back to work.

Looked like Charlie and Renee had the whole thing taken care of. I wondered how long they had been planning this. For some reason, I didn't really want to know.

* * *

We had enchiladas for dinner. It had become one of Charlie's favorite meals, which was kind of funny in its own way. He had been so hesitant the first time I had cooked them.

I was trying to figure out how to bring up the topic of what I needed to pack to Charlie. I knew he already had everything I'd need, but I really didn't know if he meant to surprise me or not. I didn't want to ruin it for him if he did.

Luckily, he saved me from bringing it up.

"I'm sure you've wondered about what you'll need to pack for your trip to Alaska," he grunted over an enchilada.

My lips quirked. Almost, but not quite a smile. I was still practicing.

"Yeah, Dad. I was wondering," I said, going along with the conversation.

"Well, me and your mother got you some new clothes and what not for Alaska," he sounded a little uncomfortable.

"Really?" I asked, prompting him to continue while trying to inject the right amount of surprise in my voice.

"Yes, and everything's already packed. All you'll need is your toothbrush and such. I really do hope you'll have a good time, Bella," he said, giving me a hopeful smile.

"Thanks, Dad. I really appreciate it," I replied, horrified to find myself almost choked. A wave of affection washed over me for the man across the dinner table. Charlie wanted me to get better. He really did care.

If Charlie had been one for physical displays of affection, I would have hugged him, but as we were, the amiable silence of dinner sufficed.

After I had done the dishes and Charlie had retired in front of the television, I went upstairs to check my email. My ancient computer whizzed and clunked when I turned it on, and I stared at the screen for minutes while the modem tried to connect to the internet.

The email from Renee read more like a journal entry than a letter. Guiltily, I responded to her email, taking great pains to comment on each and every detail of her letter while adding in things about me to make it more a letter than a commentary. Who knows what I had been writing to my mother? I almost looked under my sent mail, just to see what I had last written, but I decided it was probably best if I left it a mystery.

It was only a little after eight in the evening, but I was tired. So I changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed. This was usually one of the worst parts of the night for me. My mind would wander, as it was doing now, but instead of topaz eyes, my mind saw pictures of vast snowy cliffs. I was thankful. Alaska? I'd never been that far north before.

If I were to dream, I hoped the dreams would be filled with snow, or ice fields, or even avalanches. I didn't want to be haunted by topaz eyes again tonight. I didn't need the nightmares.

I hugged my middle, where the hole that had ripped itself open months ago still festered, and curled up into myself.

No, I didn't need the nightmares tonight.

* * *

**A/N: **Well. There you have it, folks. Chapter one of the repost done! Wooooot! I'll be thankful for any and all opinions I get!


	2. Alaska

**A/N: **I actually couldn't resist putting up the next chapter. Well, I'm sure some of you will be happy! Thank you, all of you who have reviewed so far!

* * *

Wednesday came far too soon for my liking. My alarm clock woke me up at three, and I steadfastly hit the snooze button every time the shrill beeping roused me from sleep. I'm not sure how many times I punched the button, but Charlie finally knocked on my door and told me to get ready.

I had everything packed away in the grey duffle bag Charlie had provided me. My brand new jacket was shoved at the bottom, along with some heavier winter clothes and an envelope of spending money. The initial cost, which Charlie still wouldn't tell me, covered the plane ticket, tour buses, park fees, lodgings, and meals, but he wanted me to have extra money for souvenirs.

I wasn't so sure that I'd be interested in souvenirs. I wasn't even interested in going on this stupid trip in the first place. I was only going to make Charlie and Renee happy.

I hadn't checked to see how much money Charlie had put in the envelope yet. More than likely, the envelope would remain unopened the entire trip. If he insisted I keep it afterwards, then it would go into my pitifully small college fund.

Charlie drove me to the airport in the cruiser. I always hated being chauffeured around in the thing, but since the airport was in Seattle and we were running late, Charlie used his policeman status to speed on the highway. I guess it had its uses, but I didn't like going fast in cars. Too many memories.

We made it to the airport without much fanfare. Charlie helped me check my duffle, and then we made the long walk to the security check point.

When we reached security, passengers were the only people allowed through. Seeing this, Charlie gave me an awkward hug.

"I hope you have a good time, Bella," he said, handing me my ticket.

"I'm sure I will, Dad," I responded, failing to sound excited. I knew I should probably thank him for the trip, but I couldn't find it in myself to push the words out. I was being selfish, but all the same, I really didn't want to go.

Instead, I settled on a happy, or what I hoped was happy, smile. Charlie smiled back, patting me on the shoulder. It seemed a smile was just as good as a thanks to him.

"I'll be waiting for you at the baggage claims when you get back," he reminded me.

"I'll remember. Bye, Dad," I said, turning to the security check point.

"Bye, Bells!" he called after me.

I shuffled through the security line, removing my shoes and putting my carry on bag into a plastic container that was to be X-rayed. After I had gotten my shoes back on and I was though the line, I turned back to see if my father was still there, hoping I could give him a final wave.

He had already left. I felt very alone at that moment.

I trudged my way through the crowds, cursing the fact that my gate was at 32 C. That was quite a hike from where the security check point was.

After a good twenty minutes, I finally found my gate and the rest of the students, along with Coach Clapp and my Biology teacher, who were chaperoning the trip.

"I didn't know you were coming, Bella!" exclaimed Jessica upon seeing me.

I gave her a weak smile and sat myself in a hard plastic seat. Jessica seemed not to mind my lack of verbal response. She turned back to her conversation with Lauren, not once looking back at me.

"So, did your dad give you all your stuff?" asked Mike, sitting next to me.

"Yeah, he did," I replied, not meeting his eyes. I didn't feel like getting in a conversation.

Mike, on the other hand, obviously did.

"So, have you ever been on a plane before? This is my first time. I'm a little nervous."

I nodded, but seeing as he was waiting for something more, I sighed and gave in.

"No, I've been on one before. It's not that scary," I assured him.

"Well, if you can fly on a plane, then I'm sure I'll be able to stomach it," he grinned.

I tried to smile back, but it came out a grimace more than anything.

"Hey Mike! Come take a look at this chair! I think there's something growing on it," called a boy I didn't know.

Mike looked hesitant to leave me, but I shooed him on. I was thankful for the reprieve. I didn't want to imagine spending the next week dodging him.

Contrary to what I had earlier assumed, the whole senior class wasn't going. There was only fourteen of us, including Mike, Jessica, Lauren, and Tyler. I didn't see Eric, nor did I see Angela, which I was a little upset about. I really did like Angela.

We were on the plane by nine, but we were grounded for another twenty minutes. I was hating this trip already.

There were three seats to a row, and I was lucky to get the window seat. Mike looked like he wanted to sit next to me, but Lauren and Jess corralled him into a seat between them. Tyler, on the other hand, sat next to me, and Coach Clapp sat on the other side of him.

Tyler smiled at me, and I hesitantly smile back. He blinked, obviously surprised that I had even noticed him. I decided to let him think I was still Zombie Bella, turning away from him. I didn't feel like talking. I laid my head against the plastic airplane window, the cool surface comforting me as I listened absently to the intercom.

". . . sorry, folks, for the delay. We'll be taking off shortly."

An ear grating laugh, reminiscent of a hyena, assaulted my hearing. I found the source coming from the seat two rows down from where I was. Lauren was laughing at something Jessica had told her. I tilted my head in confusion. When had she gotten a hair cut? I hadn't noticed.

I felt a thrill deep in my stomach when the plane lifted. I liked the feeling, but I didn't like when my ears started hurting. I worked my jaw and yawned, but they no matter what I did, they weren't popping.

"Need some gum?" asked Tyler.

My eyes flew to his, surprised. I hadn't expected him to acknowledge me again, let alone offer me gum. But I accepted a piece nonetheless. The feeling in my ears were going to drive me crazy otherwise.

"Thanks," I said, taking the offered stick of gum. I was glad it was spearmint. I preferred the original flavors to the ones manufacturers were coming up with these days.

He smiled at me again, a surer smile than before. Uh oh. Looked like I might have to suffer through small talk after all. I should have just ignored him.

"You're welcome, Bella. Are you excited about the trip?" he asked.

And that was the million dollar question. I was sick of hearing it.

I nodded in answer, but didn't elaborate. Unlike Mike, he didn't mind my silence. The fact that I was responding at all seemed to spur him on, to my despair.

"I don't know what I'm looking forward to the most, the helicopter ride over Denali or the boat ride to see the glaciers," he said conversationally.

I froze.

"D - Denali?" I asked, my voice quivering.

Tyler gave me a weird look. "Yeah, you know, the mountain?"

I shook my head. "I thought we were flying over Mt. McKinley?"

"Yeah we are, but it was called Denali by the locals long before it was renamed Mt. McKinley. Seriously, the whole area is called Denali, the only reason the mountain was named Mt. McKinley was because of some president or something."

"Oh," I responded, once again laying my head against the cool window.

Tyler seemed to take the hint, and left me alone. Although, I could tell he wanted to continue with the conversation. I refused to look at him, and he thankfully gave up.

Denali. It was where Tanya and her family of vegetarian vampires lived. Surely they didn't live on a mountain? No, Tyler said the whole area was called Denali. That meant I was going to be in the same area as the vampires. I wondered if he was there? Or his family?

Every molecule in my body burned for his touch, at one more chance to gaze into his topaz eyes, but I wouldn't do that to myself. If, by some fated chance, I did run across him, how could I survive being rejected a second time? The answer was easy. I wouldn't survive it - plain and simple.

In the interest of self preservation, I would not go looking for any vampires. I repeated this to myself over and over. Closing my eyes, head firmly against the window, I continued my silent mantra.

I will not go looking for vampires. I will not go looking for vampires.

Of course, I didn't take into account that vampires could be looking for me.

* * *

"Argh! Hey Bella! Could you grab that pink duffle?" yelled Lauren. She had been chasing it around the conveyor belt, and it had made it to me before she could snag it.

I grabbed the hideously pink duffle bag and handed it to her.

"Thanks," she gasped, juggling her three other suitcases of varying sizes. She looked like a pack mule.

"No problem," I muttered as she stumbled away. She hadn't heard me. She must not have expected me to answer.

I grabbed my single grey duffle bag. It was large and heavy, but manageable when compared to Lauren's baggage. I really don't know why the girl needs so many suitcases. We were only going to be staying for a week, albeit a long long week.

"Alright kids! Everybody got your stuff?" bellowed Coach Clapp.

One boy, who I knew by face but not by name, still couldn't find his suitcase. We waited another ten minutes before it showed up, and missed the first bus that ran from the hotel to the airport. So we waited outside for the next bus, shivering in the cold Anchorage air.

I was right about my old jacket. It sure didn't cut it when it came to the Alaskan weather. It wasn't long before I had my new winter coat out.

I was unbelievably happy when the bus showed up. If this day was anything like the rest of the week, then I would sooner stay in my hotel room the whole time. Turned out, I was rooming with Jessica, Lauren, and a girl I didn't know named Emma.

The room wasn't very large for four girls, but it would do for a week, I supposed. There was only two double beds, but there was also a pull out bed that doubled as a sofa. Someone was going to sleep on the floor.

"Well, how about paper, rock, scissors to decide?" suggested Emma.

Lauren snorted. It wasn't very becoming. "What are we? In the fifth grade?"

Emma looked hurt by Lauren's callous comments. I felt sorry for her.

"I think it's a good idea," I said quietly. Lauren and Jessica's heads whipped towards me, their eyes wide and mouth's open. I was getting tired of this reaction.

"Well! If you both insist, I guess we can indulge you!" spluttered Lauren, trying to save face and cover up her shock.

She got the floor.

Jessica ended up on the pull out and Emma and I took the beds. Maybe I wouldn't have such a bad time after all. Things were looking up already.

* * *

"Eww! What is that awful stench?" asked Jessica.

Someone in the back of the bus giggled. "It's Tyler's feet! He's taken his shoes off!"

"Hey! I can't help it! I've got a blister!" yelled Tyler.

The bus ride to Kenai Fjords was, to put it mildly, hell. Now that Jessica was aware that I wasn't Zombie Bella anymore, she had taken to talking my ear off like she had Pre Zombie Bella.

I found that well placed nods, yeses, and hmms, seemed to do the trick. Conversing with Jessica only meant that you agree with her. Responding verbally wasn't needed.

The weather was cold. No surprises there. Today we were going to see Exit Glacier and Harding's Ice Field, which was in Kanai Fjords National Park.

Unfortunately, the boat that was supposed to take our group to tour the glaciers was having engine trouble. To my utter despair, it was decided that we would hike up to Exit Glacier, as it was the only glacier available on foot, and that in turn would lead us to Harding's Ice Field.

I didn't know what Charlie and Renee were thinking. This trip was turning out just about as fun as orthopedic surgery. And it was only the first day!

True to form, I ended up with more bruises than anyone else. My foot seemed to catch every patch of hidden, icy rock there was. By the time we had finally made it to the famous glacier, I was cold, bruised, and ready to get back on the bus. I tried not to think about the trip back down to the bus. I would have bruises on bruises for sure.

I gazed up at the forbidding glacier stretching towards the sky. What was the big deal, anyway? When it came down to it, the glacier was just a big chunk of dirty ice.

I sighed, folding my arms around me. Being so cold and bruised was making me miserable, and my hole was acting up again. It didn't help that tomorrow we would be visiting Denali. I felt the void give a painful twinge. I held myself tighter and focused on the present.

Despite the warning signs all around the glacier, people walked right up to it. Some of the boys even picked up small chunks of ice and tossed it to one another. I could tell Coach Clapp wanted to yell, but in the interest of avoiding falling ice, he calmly called them away from the glacier.

Walking around Harding Ice Field wasn't as impressive as I thought it would be. Of course, I doubted anything would be impressive to me in my current state.

Suddenly, something cold and hard hit me in the back of the head.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, startled.

"Sorry, Bella!" yelled Mike.

"It's fine," I grumbled, shaking the snow from my hair. It seemed that in my brooding a snowball fight had broken out.

I wasn't so sure that Charlie and Renee's plan was working. If anything, this trip was reminding me how nice it was to be Zombie Bella. At least as Zombie Bella I wasn't running around in the snow, cold and bruised.

After a painful journey, we were finally back in the parking lot. I had never been so thankful to be on a bus. I made myself comfortable, resting my head against the cool window. I loved leaning my head against a cold window. It was just as comforting.

I must have fallen asleep, because I awoke to Jessica's prodding.

"Come on, Bella. We're here."

Four girls sharing one bathroom proved to be just as horrible as I thought it would. Everyone wanted a hot shower. Sticking to our earlier way of deciding, we played rock, paper, scissors. Lauren got it first, but I got it second, so I couldn't complain too much.

After everyone had showered and dressed, we went downstairs to dinner in the hotel restaurant with the rest of our group. The food wasn't too bad. I kept conversation to a minimum, and the group seemed to accept the new, not so zombie, Bella. I was on the verge of admitting to myself that this trip wasn't really as bad as I thought it would be.

That is, until we got back to our room.

"But we're not supposed to leave our rooms! It's after curfew!" exclaimed Emma.

"Oh, don't be a stick in the mud, Emma," complained Jessica.

"There's a club right down the street. I saw it when we pulled in. It's not like it's very far," said Lauren.

I was with Emma on this one. Just because there weren't any dance clubs around Forks didn't mean I wanted to jump at the first chance to go to one.

"Well . . ." she stalled. It seemed as if Jessica and Lauren were winning.

"We'll just stay out for an hour. No one will miss us," added Jessica.

Emma sighed, defeated. "Fine."

"I'll just stay here," I offered. Jessica gave me an incredulous look.

"Oh no you don't, Bella! If we're all going, then you are too. We're not going to leave you here alone!"

"But -" I tried. I wanted to be alone!

"You need to loosen up. The whole point of this trip is to have fun," glared Lauren.

I hesitated. Fun? I highly doubted that. On the other hand, if the only thing I got out of the experience was a story to tell Charlie, then maybe I would go. The way Charlie had been lately, he would probably be ecstatic that I broke the rules in the name of 'fun.'

"Alright, fine. I'll go," I said, giving in. There's peer pressure for you.

The next half hour was a whirl of flying clothes and make up. I was relieved that no one came at me with a mascara stick. I may have been more awake than in the previous months, but there was quite a bit of Zombie Bella left for me to deal with. Zombie Bella could care less about how she looked.

I was expecting some sneaky maneuvers on our part, but it was ridiculously easy to leave the hotel. It wasn't as if Coach Clapp was guarding the rooms or anything.

I pulled my new coat tighter around me. It was freezing and the streets were very crowded for this time of night. The hotel must have been situated on a street with popular nightlife destinations.

Four blocks later, Jessica started complaining.

"I thought you said it was down the street," she whined.

"It is! It must just be a little farther down," promised Lauren.

"It better be," muttered Emma under her breath.

I didn't say anything, and if my attention hadn't been caught by the man hovering at the entrance of a dark alley way, I probably would have.

I stopped, staring. The girls continued on, oblivious to the fact that I was not with them.

He was a beautiful man, almost statuesque, and for the life of me I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. I knew his skin, which if I could touch, would be hard and cold, like marble. I could only see him in profile, but I knew that if I could see his eyes, their color would be inhuman.

_Vampire!_ Something seemed to shout this knowledge to me. Some part of me instinctually knew what I was seeing, and I wasn't about to disagree.

Slowly, almost painfully slow, the vampire turned his head, his eyes catching mine.

His burgundy eyes.

I froze. I knew this vampire. I had seen him before many months ago. It was Laurent.

_Run!_

I jerked. That voice! It was him! I tore my eyes away from Laurent, searching the crowd, but he did not appear.

_Run away now! Bella! Remember your promise!_

I almost spoke his name, and I would have if I hadn't looked back towards the alley way and seen that Laurent had disappeared. It was as if a bucket of cold ice water had dropped down my spine.

_Run!_

This time, I paid attention to the voice, and I ran, pushing through the crowd, all the way back to my hotel.

Gasping, I slid the card to open my hotel door and threw myself onto the bed. I lay there, after turning on the bedside light, willing my heart to slow. My gaze flitted restlessly around the small room. With my luck, Laurent would be hiding in the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, and I was somewhat calm. The only guess I had as to what Laurent was doing in Anchorage, Alaska was that Tanya's coven was nearby. Besides, he hadn't been the one that was after me before. That had been James.

My imagination got the better of me though, and I had visions of Laurent attacking me, in revenge for James' death.

I tried not to think on it. The only thing I could do was be vigilant about my surrounding. If he were to attack, surely he wouldn't attack when I was with other people? I shook the disturbing thoughts away. I had more important things to think about anyhow - much more important than a brush with a vampire, possibly out for my blood.

Instead I turned my mind to an equally painful subject. The voice. It had been his velvet honey voice, but he wasn't here, was he? No, that wasn't possible. He could never project his thoughts to anyone, and besides, it had never worked on me.

So then, what was it? I was afraid of the answer. However, I couldn't think of any other reason. I had finally lost it. This blasted trip had thrown me over the edge! I was hallucinating. I was hearing his voice, but it wasn't real.

I wrapped my arms around my middle, and promised myself I wouldn't cry.

* * *

Alice Cullen gasped.

She hadn't meant to look for her future, but there it was, all the same.

"J - Jasper!" she yelled. If she was human, she would be hyperventilating.

She embraced the wave of calmness her love sent to her, and fell into his arms. His hold tightened, and she shivered involuntarily. Was she too late? Could she still save her? It was evening, and her vision was obviously during the daytime.

"What ever is the matter, dear heart?" whispered Jasper.

She immediately began to translate Don Quixote into French. Edward was out hunting with Emmett and Rosalie, but if he heard her thoughts . . .

"Not here! I can't take the chance that Edward will hear my thoughts. I have to tell Carlisle, in case something goes wrong."

Jasper nodded, accepting Alice's explanation.

"I'll get the car. We can drive to the hospital."

Alice nodded jerkily, despite Jaspers constant waves of soothing calm.

When Alice was far enough away from where Edward could hear her, she flipped open her cell phone and punched in a number.

"Hi, Charlie? I'm sorry to call so late -"

"Yes, It's Alice Cullen. Listen, is Bella there? I'm afraid there's been an emergency."

"A school trip? Where did she go?"

"Anchorage? Oh, well, what hotel is she staying at? I might give her a call -"

"Alright. And the room number? Gotcha. Thanks, Char -"

"The emergency? Erm, oh, well, we - we just found out that, that Esme has breast cancer."

Jasper's eyebrows rose in amusement. Alice gave him a nasty look.

"Yes, thank you. Alright. Yes, goodbye!"

"Breast cancer?"

Alice huffed. "Well! It was the best I could come up with on short notice!"

"So, what's the real emergency?" asked Jasper.

Alice seemed to deflate. "I saw Bella . . . die."

"What!?" exclaimed Jasper, eyes wide.

Alice bit her lip and nodded. "That's why I couldn't let Edward know. God only knows what he'd do to himself. I wouldn't put it past him to run to the Volturi. That's why we're telling Carlisle. He's the only one that can safely hide his thoughts. That way, if Edward does find out, Carlisle will be able to stop him from doing anything . . . anything drastic."

"Is it definite?" Jasper asked quietly, eyes never leaving the road.

"I'm not sure. There's a chance it could change - there always is. I'll call Carlisle instead. That will save us time. We need to get to the airport immediately. I'm not sure what time it happens, but the sooner we get there the better."

"Can you try calling her? At the hotel room?"

Alice nodded, flipping open her phone.

"And then I'm calling Tanya."

* * *

What was that shrill noise? I blinked awake, trying to figure out where I was. In rush it all came back to me. I was in Anchorage, and the shrill ringing noise was the telephone.

I noticed that the light was still on and the other girls hadn't returned. So much for just staying out for an hour. I picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I rasped, voice thick with sleep.

"Bella!"

I blinked.

"Al - Alice?" I asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Yes, Bella! It's Alice! Oh, I'm so glad you're alright!"

"I'm fine," I answered. Was I dreaming? How did Alice Cullen know I was in Alaska, let alone my hotel phone number? I blinked away the sudden tears. Was this really Alice?

"Listen, Bella! I've seen something horrible! Please, what ever you do, don't go -"

The line went dead.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, there you have it. I'd love to get some more reviews! (hint, hint)


	3. It Begins

**A/N: **Awwwwwww. I get so many hits, but no one ever wants to review the story! I swear, I'm all sad. I had a much bigger response last time. Now I'm all depressed and crap. :[ Thanks to everyone who HAS reviewed! I really appreciate you guys! I thought it might be a good idea to start cutting the chapters in half. Maybe with the extra updates/shorter chapters, it'll stay current enought that people will find it. ::sniff!::

* * *

I didn't get much sleep after that. The other girls stumbled in an hour or so later. From the occasional burst of giggling, and the sound of one girl being violently ill in the toilet, I gathered that they had found the dance club after all.

I wanted to avoid talking to any of them. Even if I hadn't been anti-social to begin with, I still wouldn't have wanted to converse with a group of intoxicated girls. So I pretended to be asleep, keeping my breathing slow and my eyes closed. Not that they noticed, or probably even cared. Thankfully, they all passed out within fifteen minutes of each other.

I stared at the ceiling, barely perceiving the patterned swirls in the dim light that shone through the window. I let my mind drift back to the mysterious phone call I had received. I still wasn't too sure that the phone call hadn't been a dream.

I decided to look at this from both sides. On one hand, the phone call could have been a very realistic dream. It wasn't as if I hadn't had them before. But the more complicated - and confusing - explanation was that Alice had somehow found out where I was and had really called me.

To warn me.

But of what? Had she seen something? My mind immediately flashed to Laurent's face. Oh. I had almost forgotten. I mentally scolded myself. I was becoming as forgetful as Renee.

After all, it was the only logical explanation. I had run into Laurent, who for all I knew enjoyed humans for dinner on a nightly basis, and I get a phone call from Alice shortly after.

But why did the call disconnect so abruptly? I shivered. Wild images ran through my mind of Laurant cutting the phone wire, like in some cheesy horror flick, but that was silly. He obviously wasn't in the room, and the phone wire was still intact.

I hoped nothing had happened to Alice. Surely she was okay. What did she say again? I let the words replay themselves in my head.

"Listen, Bella! I've seen something horrible! Please, what ever you do, don't go -"

Something horrible. What was something horrible? With my luck, probably my death at the hands of Laurant. And where shouldn't I go?

Maybe if I pretended I was sick, I could hole up in my room for the rest of this godforsaken trip.

* * *

Of all the things that could have gone wrong - flat tire, the car exploding, a tornado - it just had to be her cell phone deciding to go dead.

"Oh for the love of -!" Alice clinched the cell phone in her small hand, crushing it.

Jasper raised an eyebrow in question.

"It went dead! Do you have your cell -"

"Emmett sat on it, remember?" he interrupted.

"Damn. Let's just get to the airport. We don't have time to turn around and warn Carlisle. You know how Edward's been lately. He'll probably disappear again within the next few days. I can't believe we actually got him to come to Carlisle and Esme's anniversary celebration in the first place. We haven't seen him in months."

Jasper took her hand, giving it a small squeeze. Alice barely noticed.

"We'll just have to make sure that no one but us knows about this . . ." she trailed off.

See his wife like this, Jasper calmed and soothed her frazzled emotions.

"We'll do everything in our power to make it there in time," he promised.

Alice nodded, grateful. "I just hope we can reach her. Before he does anyhow."

* * *

Well, at least I wasn't the only one who looked awful this morning. Jess, Lauren, and Emma looked like hell. It was very plain to see that they were suffering from last night's festivities. I, on the other hand, who looked just as bad as the rest, at least wasn't complaining about loud noises and light.

Today was the day of the optional trip to Denali National Park, along with a helicopter tour of the mountain. I had planned not to go. Everyone who didn't go was heading off to the mall with Coach Clapp. Alice's warning replayed itself in my mind.

The mall would have many people. It would be easy to get separated from the group. It would be just as easy for someone to separate me from the group. A bus ride to Denali and a helicopter tour of a mountain didn't involve as much risk as waltzing out into a crowded city did. Besides, I was already planning on going to the mall before I had gotten that phone call. Maybe not going to the mall was the answer.

With a tired sigh, I made up my mind. I would go with the group to Denali. And I would definitely not be looking for any vampires. The whole lot of them have caused me enough heartache already. I grasped myself around my middle, trying desperately to take my mind off vampires and topaz eyes.

There had been a few inquiries into my disappearance last night, but I begged off by telling them I had lost them in the crowd. Emma gave me a strange look, but Jessica and Lauren took my lie at face value. Emma didn't question me, for which I was thankful.

I watched wearily as my roommates bustled around the too small room. It seemed as if they were packing to go on the helicopter tour. When I asked why they would carry so much for just the day, Lauren laughed at me. She winced immediately afterwards, and I was vindictively pleased.

"Oh Bella! Don't be stupid! Didn't you hear about the snow storm that's coming through? What if we get snowed in and can't make it back until tomorrow? I, for one, will not be leaving my toothbrush behind!" She gave me a pointed look, as if my dental health offended her.

I subconsciously rubbed my tongue against my teeth, scowling. My mouth was perfectly healthy.

"If they didn't think it was safe, then the teachers wouldn't let us go on the tour in the first place," mumbled Emma. She, like me, didn't seem to be packing her toothbrush.

"Well, I always say it's better to be safe than sorry," added Jessica, popping a couple of Tylenol into her mouth.

"Oh wow, Jess! Can I please have some of that?" begged Emma.

"Me too!" chimed in Lauren, eyeing Jessica's large bottle.

I rolled my eyes. Served the lot of them right for drinking too much.

* * *

Alice froze.

The man behind her barely stopped himself from colliding into her back.

"Hey! Watch it!" blustered the man.

Jasper gave a barely audible growl, taking Alice's arm and gently leading her the rest of the way out from the plane. They only had fifteen minutes to make it to their next flight.

Alice blinked rapidly, coming back to herself.

"Her future's changed . . ." she muttered.

Jasper sighed, relieved. "For the better?"

Alice shook her head. "Hang on. I'm only getting glimpses. She's not going to the mall anymore, which is a good thing. She's on a tour bus . . . Just let me try again."

Jasper waited patiently as his wife's face went blank once more.

"NO!" gasped Alice, reaching out to steady herself on Jasper's shoulder.

"What is it?" he asked, urgency coloring his usually calm voice.

"Bella! Oh God! We're going to be too late!"

* * *

**A/N: **Well doesn't that just suck major pimp dick? Seems like Alice and Jasper are going to be too late. Heeeeey, if I get some reviews, I could post super soon. After all, I got the a few chapps written up, just waiting to be posted. I just don't want to post all at once. Then I doubt I'd EVER get reviews. You know, I know that, ideally, I should just write for the joy of writing, but when the response I get is so . . . lacking . . . I get discouraged. So even if you HATED the story/chapter/whatever, at least send something TELLING me so.

Ugh. I've turned into one of THOSE kind of authors. Shit. Just kill me already. Sorry for the begging. It's SO unbecoming. Maybe I really am bi-polar.


	4. Stalking My Hallucinations

**A/N: **Hey guys! Thank y'all so much for the wonderful reviews! It makes my heart happy to see them! AND HAPPY THURSDAY!!!! Woot! I'm so excited! Tomorrow's Friday, and then it's THE WEEKEND!!!!! YAY!!!!!! Talk about a relief!

And on a side note, I honestly forgot to do a disclaimer. Oops! Sooooo . . . .

**Disclaimer: **_I totally don't own any of the characters/places/whatever. Not mine. I don't even really try and pretend their mine. Buuuut, I like to write about them. Yeah._

* * *

The bus ride to Denali was just like it was going to Harding's Ice Field - boring and tedious - except this time it was a longer ride. A much longer ride. I laid my head against the cool window, my eyes focused on the endless expanse of white snow. The bus driver must have been from hell, because the heat on the bus was unbearable. I would bet good money that I wasn't the only one wishing they weren't strapped into heavy winter coats.

I used to hate the cold. I still do, to some extent and especially coupled with wet, but ever since him, the cold was comforting. It felt like home. He felt like home. I angrily blinked away the tears threatening to fall. He left me. He didn't love me. He was busy with distractions . . .like I had been to him - just a distraction.

I tried not to let the misery overtake me. Really now, this had been why I had hidden within myself, why I had been perfectly content being Zombie Bella. I was hiding from the pain and the heartache that his departure had caused. From a world where he didn't exist, where he wouldn't catch me if I fell or hold me if I cry. I was hiding from the love that I still felt for him, even after all that he had said. Even if my love would never be returned.

I thought back to the voice I had heard yesterday. I had been purposely not thinking about it.

Of course, it hadn't actually been him. It had just been in my head. Best case scenario, it was brought about by the extreme duress of seeing a burgundy eyed vampire, who, according to the eye color, must have been hungry. Worst case scenario, I had finally lost it.

But with his voice had come painful memories of him. And as much as it hurt, I was desperate to hear his voice again. However, if it meant coming face to face with Laurant again, I could probably do without.

Or maybe not.

I remembered what the voice had said. Remember my promise? Rebellious thoughts flittered through my mind. Why should I? Why should I stay safe? It wasn't as if he cared! It wasn't as if he gave a damn about just another one of his distractions!

Maybe I would try and stay as unsafe as I possibly could! If he can lie to me about loving me, then I could certainly break a silly little promise!

And then I had an epiphany. Or it might have been a sudden theory, really. What if, when I was breaking my promise to stay safe, like I technically had by being in close proximity to Laurent, I could hear his voice? But no. That was crazy. I was probably crazy. But . . .what if?

His leaving had broken me. I had been unequivocally altered. I wanted to hate him. Maybe I needed to

hate him, but for the life of me . . . I couldn't. I loved him. I was doomed from the first day, and without him in my life, I had no life.

If I couldn't have him with me in the flesh, then having his voice in my head would have to do.

With a renewed sense of purpose, I let my mind get carried away in all the dangerous stunts I could pull to test my theory out. I honestly did not want to run into Laurant again, if I could help it, which I would definitely try. But what else less dangerous but still dangerous things could I do?

I wondered if there was an optional ski trip offered? After all, what could be more dangerous than Bella Swan's feet strapped to sticks while holding pointy metal rods and sliding down a mountain at top speeds?

Nothing short of coming face to face with Laurant once again.

I was interrupted from my daydreams of falling down a mountain by Emma elbowing me in my ribs. Luckily, the heavy winter coat, while certainly not helping on an overheated bus from hell, softened the blow to my ribs.

"Oh, Bella! Excuse me! I'm just trying to get my - ugh - bag out of . . .here!" she said, finally tugging her large bag out from under the seat. Apparently she had jumped on the bandwagon too. I saw Lauren and Jessica with similar bags.

"It's fine," I said, eyeing the rest of the group. Apparently while I had been lost to my thoughts, we had arrived at our destination.

I cringed at the thought of the imminent helicopter ride. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but then a thought struck me. I wondered if my inner vampire would find a helicopter ride threatening? I almost, almost, smiled at the mental image, but I sobered quickly.

Pathetic. I was all but stalking my hallucinations.

Nevertheless, I was suddenly very eager to get off the bus.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt the cold air hit my face once I'd climbed out of the bus. The wind was strong. I saw one girl, who I didn't know by name, slip and slide across the snow chasing her pink hat that the wind had grabbed off her head.

We were a small group. Probably numbering somewhere around thirteen or fourteen. Apparently Tyler was one of few who had been excited about the helicopter tours. I saw him gesturing wildly and conversing with a similarly eager Mike. I reluctantly followed the girls to where the boys were.

" . . . can't wait to tell my cousin all about it! He's been dying to ride in a helicopter since he was three!" exclaimed Tyler.

Mike laughed. "How old is he now?"

"Sixteen. He'll be so jealous!"

"Well my Aunt used to fly helicopters in the military," said Lauren, somewhat prissily.

Tyler chuckled. "You mean the military lets girls fly helicopters?"

Lauren huffed, obviously taking offense.

"Of course they do, idiot! Girls can do all the things that guys do in the military!" exclaimed an equally offended Jessica.

"Well, not everything. Girls aren't on the front lines," added Emma.

"She's got you there, Jess!" said Mike.

I tuned out the conversation. Instead, I surveyed the building we had entered. It looked more like a Lodge than anything else, and the inside wasn't much better. The decorator must have had a taste for the rustic. We entered into a large, open room, dominated by a huge stone fire place at one end. It had a gigantic moose head mounted over the mantle.

We were met by the helicopter guides.

"Alright everyone! Welcome! How many of you are excited about the helicopter ride over the mountain?" yelled a petite female. She looked like she could have been of Eskimo descent.

A loud whoop of excitement from the small crowd of gathered students followed her question.

"That's great! Now I know some of you might be worried about the storm that's supposed to hit, but don't you all worry. It's not going to hit here until night time, so we have plenty of time for air tours! It's a little windy, but this is perfectly normal for this area, so no fear!"

The woman's reassurances did very little to calm my nerves. Jessica had mentioned a storm that was supposed to hit. That was why she had packed a bag. I almost forgot her reasoning.

"Now, let's get a head count," she paused as she counted.

"Okay! We have fifteen here -"

"Excuse me, Miss! I'm not going on the tour. I'm afraid I'd get terribly sick," interrupted our Biology teacher. I remembered that there had been a mishap on the first bus ride with out Biology teacher becoming ill.

This didn't seem to deter the small, grinning woman. "Not a problem! Okay, so we have fourteen! I want you to break yourselves up into groups of four! We can only take up four at a time, and then the two remaining can go last!"

Jessica and Lauren immediately attached themselves to Mike and Tyler. I saw Mike give me a wistful look - no doubt he wanted me and him to be the two leftovers - but I steadfastly ignored him. Instead, seeing that everyone had found someone, I gestured to Emma.

"So?" I asked.

Emma smiled. "I guess we're the group of two."

"Looks like it," I nodded.

The helicopter tours lasted about thirty minutes. So that meant I had two hours to wait until Emma and I could board. I was secretly amused to find that they were offering free snowboarding lessons out behind the building for the bored teenagers. I briefly played with the idea of trying it out - just to see if my inner vampire would make an appearance - but I figured it wouldn't be dangerous enough.

Mike, Tyler, Jessica, and Lauren were among those who opted for the free lessons. Emma decided to play around with the jumbo sized checker board balanced on top of the barrel in the corner. A guy I didn't know joined her soon enough.

I preferred sitting in the overstuffed chair and watching the flames dance in the fireplace. The flames mesmerized me. They were very beautiful. A sudden wave of grief washed over me, causing my eyes to well with tears. Very beautiful things would bring back memories of even greater beauty, and I had been thinking about those memories too much today - much more than I had in months. I tore my eyes away from the flames, starring at my hands.

"Bella?"

I looked up into the concerned eyes of Emma, the girl I barely knew.

"Are you okay?" she asked, keeping her voice quiet.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I was afraid of what would happen if I opened my mouth. I knew I was being silly. I could barely do anything that didn't remind me of him and not get upset these days. However, I should at least be able to keep myself together in public. I had been doing a fantastic job up until this trip.

"The last group's come back. It's our turn," she said, hiking her bag higher onto her shoulder.

I blinked. Exactly how long had I been staring at the fire?

"Tha - That was quick," I replied.

Emma smiled kindly. "Time flies when you're having fun."

I grimaced. Fun. Yeah, I was having loads of fun all right.

I tightened up my coat, walking after Emma, and prepared myself for what would hopefully be a "dangerous" ride. My chest ballooned with a sudden excitement and wary expectation. I was either certifiably insane or a victim of wish fulfillment. Hopefully it was the later.

Maybe I was about to find out.

* * *

**A/N: **All right guys! Y'all know what to do! PLEASE review!


End file.
